sometimes the silence can be like thunder

i dont know what to think about this summer

it was awkward

i felt like i just didnt know myself, who i was, why i made dumbshit choices.

my 2nd year starts on monday

i am absolutely scared out of my mind. right out of it. i am just nervous i wont live up to my own standards
but i have to remember it’s school. i’m there to learn and grow

and i’ve got everything i need. i’m an artist, i don’t look back.

my jaw wont close correctly. kiiinndda freaking me out.

just a little while ago i called a good friend of mine on a whim and, as fairly usual, he was more than happy (i assume) to listen to my rants of nothing.

he’s such an amazing person, and i hope he knows that. he’s so encouraging to me and so sweet and honest. i really hope he finds someone who appreciates him for everything he is. and if she doesnt i will beat her ass.

i’ve listened to almost nothing but bob dylan for the past few nights. so good.

i’m real tired of boys. REAL tired of them.

but i want to find the perfect date for joannas wedding. omri said he wants to come to alabama…totally would be awesome totally.

my stomach hurts.

i need to do alot of things tomorrow that i wanted to do yesterday. i wonder if there’s pills to cure habitual laziness

but watching little rascals was absolutely better than doing anything productive.

i think i’ll write a song

a desirable post (i hope)

my word of the summer: undesirable.

booyyyyy do i have some things to write about. i have taken this monday off, mainly because i have spent entirely too much time at applebees in the past two weeks, and i also need to recover from the weekend of actual hell.

we begin with friday, august 8th.
work. going pretty smoothly, making the moneys. i get off work and go to get my clothes…and i realize i left them in a bag on the third floor.
they are gone.
my jeans, my black high top chucks, and my amazing houndstooth vest. just gone. noone knows what happened or where they went. i.was.livid. who takes someones clothes?! what can you do with that!? the head head hauncho of applebees happened to come in the next morning and after hearing my sob story, he replied with “who hear could even wear your size? maybe one of the gay guys?”

saturday.
i stayed friday night with jake&adam, spending the entire night trying to knock on the scary neighbors door and also attempting to watch 10,000 BC (which never happened) i wake up and subway it home and shower and go back to applebees (i was definately half an hour late and i was all like suck it applebees my shit got stolen)
i worked as the 1st floor waitress (it’s four hightop tables at the bar) for 13 hours with 1 half our break and only made $150. not okay.
during my shift we found out our favorite manager has been transfered to 42nd street, so of course we all went out after closing and drank the night away.
this is where my night got fun (i say that with sarcasm oosing out of every single pore)

i asked the boy i’ve been “seeing”(if you will) for a little while to walk me to the subway. i havent really seen him in a while so i asked what was going on.
what was his response?
“i just dont have the desire with you anymore”
i reply with “you dont have the desire with me or with any girl?”
“no it’s just you”
……
“so you’re calling me undesirable?”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

i then of course ask why
and he says “it was just too easy”

so, ladies and gents, he managed to call me undesirable AND easy in 5 minutes! i’m tellin you, this guy was a good catch. he ended up going on the rant about how it wasnt easy at first but then it was just too easy or some crap like that.

as he is saying all this i was literally laughing in his face. then then i laughed on the subway, then lying in bed, and i have continued to laugh.

i have also told this story to like 1,000 people because WHO DOES THAT?! what kindof human being tells another human being that they are UNDESIRABLE?! couldnt you say like “i’m just not attracted to you anymore” which is SO less harsh. i mean, i cant imagine if he said that to a girl who has no self esteem, she would flip out!

in all honesty, i can’t be mad at him. he was extremely honest with me…he was actually brutally honest with me.
and the guy’s got a good heart, it’s just that his brain is in the lower region of his body (IE, his penis).

sunday.
i walk into work and immediately everyone asked why i looked so banged up. i told them that i’d been called undesirable and they understood. BJ even took me for a drink and lunch at blockheads! i could get used to being called awful things if it gets me a corona.
but then of course it was domincan republic day and i rode the train home smashed up against a hundred screaming dominicans.
if i have ever thought extremely racist thoughts, it was on that train.

on the bright side, i met a cute boy at blockheads who might just be that other fish in the sea

i have no title

southern new jersey is sending us rain. i hate new jersey.

john mccain needs to learn how to hold a mic like a normal person and not someone who has a paralyzed right arm.

obama just attempted a joke. wah wah.

fox 5 news is talking about this epidemic about kids using over the counter drugs like it’s something new. HELLLOOOOOO am i really wasting my time watching this!?!? this has been going on already for like two years or something! tell me information i need to know.

all this talk about jo’s wedding makes me want to get married.
not really. but it does make me wish i had a boy who would like to be my boyfriend. wahh waaahhhhhhhhhhh.

i got other shits to worry about. like going to the gym, which i have been doing lately and it’s aweeesoommeee. also i am cooking delicious foods to eat. too many things going on to have a boy.

sigh.

i read the first act of macbeth a bit ago. and i’m about to read the second. hollaaaaaaaaa.

i think bad commercials should be banned.

i also think i should be cast in a broadway show.

i also think H&M should give me free clothes.

the smoke it sank into my skin

i feel like i’m a stupid teenager writing in her blog about a boy who she loves but everything is wacked and life doesnt work out how she wants it to.

but i’m not, dammit! i am a young, independant woman and i don’t need to sit around on my ass waiting for someone else to make up their mind.

aaaahhhhhhhh i wish the format was still together and i wish they were playing a free show in central park tomorrow night under the non-existant new york stars.

i ate dark chocolate today and realized that i hadn’t had any in several weeks…i was instantly happy. i need to buy more. INSTANT HAPPINESS. it’s like being a christian.

hahahahahahha.

sometimes i want my posts to be made up entirely of song lyrics that fit my mood right now.
maybe i’ll do that sometime.

i’m going craaaazzzyyyyyy

or maybe i just watched too many romance movies this weekend…that edward scissorhands…it’ll get ya every time.