the smoke it sank into my skin

i feel like i’m a stupid teenager writing in her blog about a boy who she loves but everything is wacked and life doesnt work out how she wants it to.

but i’m not, dammit! i am a young, independant woman and i don’t need to sit around on my ass waiting for someone else to make up their mind.

aaaahhhhhhhh i wish the format was still together and i wish they were playing a free show in central park tomorrow night under the non-existant new york stars.

i ate dark chocolate today and realized that i hadn’t had any in several weeks…i was instantly happy. i need to buy more. INSTANT HAPPINESS. it’s like being a christian.

hahahahahahha.

sometimes i want my posts to be made up entirely of song lyrics that fit my mood right now.
maybe i’ll do that sometime.

i’m going craaaazzzyyyyyy

or maybe i just watched too many romance movies this weekend…that edward scissorhands…it’ll get ya every time.

let’s not forget ourselves girlfriend, i am flawed if i’m not free…

i wonder what i want to talk about.

tomorrow is my last completely free day, thankfully. i woke up at 3 today and haven’t left my house. watched alot of friends, edward scissorhands, and now raising helen. i read a short story by neil gaiman (an absolutely amazing writer), and have been incessantly checking my facebook. tomorrow i’m determined to do something productive. watch the chekhov movie i’ve netflixed, and hopefully get through my second reading of “the seagull”

i’ve got myself a new york public library card! it made me realize once again that i actually live here. it was a good feeling.

i’m distracted by raising helen. which, by the way, is a good movie. i like it when alot of good little kid actors are in a film.

i start training at applebees on monday at 11:30. i will be training with brandon. we’ll see how that goes.

“i had a dream that i made out with a bunch of gay boys last night.

story of my life”

aaahahahahahahahah. love it.

i want to go dancing.

a summer roommate moves in this coming week.

i am so excited to go home in july. it will be such a good week.

i wish my daily life had a soundtrack. i really think it would be so good.

i’ve been debating on writing something. a play, a book, a short story, just something. i should probably stop debating and just do it. amuse myself.

i want to see the statue of liberty. maybe i’ll do that on my next free day (not tomorrow, though. tomorrow i have plans to write my first novel and thus begin my plan of conquering the world).

i sit here, 1 in the morning, watching jennifer aniston on saturday night live, eating chunky monkey icecream, and playing on my computer.

i’ve been here since 5 o’clock.

at one point i stopped to treat myself to a vanilla bubblebath and katie’s version of a foot spa. it was fantastic.

i think i might want to be a supermodel. maybe after i graduate i’ll send in a video to america’s next top model.

lindsay lohans little sister has a tv show? what the hell? how does that happen?

i love when the extras on saturday night live look at the camera.

and with that, i end a pointless post.

and when i’m away from you, i love how you miss me

so here it is. i’m posting once again.
i come to this site, which i have unfortunately neglected for an amount of time, and i see 3 beautiful comments from 3 beautiful women who i am truly, truly blessed to be friends with. 3 of my very best friends and they all commented on one post about something so so silly…i’m lucky i tell you. very lucky.
and one of them is moving here very soon. i’m proud of you baby girl

so what’s been going on with my life i wonder? i got a job today! i will be a server at applebees starting may 12. in my interview the man asked why i was interested in the restaurant industry and i replied with “well i want to be an actress, and this seems to be the first step…”

i feel very strong-willed lately. i feel like i have a plan and i have a summer and i’m going to get it all done. i have an ungodly amount of reading to do. there is just so much creativity inside me that is going to spill out all over the place if i dont put it to good use. but it’s only been two days…so i think i’ll figure something out soon.

if anyone (and i’m sure everyone does) reads kendra’s wall, then the following story will be a repeat. but get over it.
so i’m standing in the subway this evening (2am) and this very toothless and very high homeless man walks up to derek and begins asking him all these questions about us (jessica, lydia and myself), and whether or not we were being taken care of tonight and such. he then proceeds to describe each one of us and when he gets to me he flippantly says “aw she’s cute and innocent” and a few moments later he says “oh wait, she’s the one you better watch out for”
and i am, dammit! i am the one you need to watch out for!

i’m going to change the world.
i’d be glad to accept your help if you’re willing. 

my stomach hurts. probably the gyro i ate at midnight.

i want everyone i love to live in new york and play with me every day.

i also want to be able to get away with having the creativity and spunk and carelessness of a five year old.
probably why i want to be an actress.

joanna comes here tomorrow night; this i am excited about. we have a isuper fantastico! weekend planned. yes yes yes.

i am happy. i am very happy with my life. very happy indeed.

i have no idea what’s been goin on lately and i just wish you would come over and explain things